A timely wake-up call.

So it's been quite a while again, but I can't help it. I've been so busy lately with substituting, that I haven't had my normal amount of sit-around-and-do-nothing time. Even though I'm not working "full time", I try to sub about 4 days a week, and I'm amazed at how exhausted I am after just that little bit. It seriously takes something out of me that I didn't even know I had. Will says it's because of the kids. He claimed to come home every night last year when he started out, and take a 3-4 hour nap. His teacher friends have said the same thing: it took their bodies a long time to adjust. It's so stressful, physically and emotionally. Enough about that though - on to what I really wanted to write about.

This weekend was a milestone for my relationship. I took Will home to Pittsford! He's already met my parents, and spent a lot of time with them, but this was the first trip to my actual house house. Everything went really well, and even though we were only there from Saturday - Sunday night, it was nice to get away and relax for a few days. Happy Spring Break to me... Anyway, even though it went well, there was one thing that bears mentioning, because it's having a snow-ball affect on me. About 5 minutes into our greeting, my mom (away from everyone else) felt it necessary to point out my obvious weight gain. Her exact words I belive were "Maureen, you know I love you but you've gained a lot of weight." To which I said, "yeah, thanks." Now, this produces several contradictory feelings within me. The first: Hurt, obviously. I know I've gained weight. I see it, and feel it every day. It's there, and it's something that I can't stop thinking about most of the time, but it's also not something I need my mom critizing me for me. The second feeling: Understanding. She's my my mom, and I know she'd never try to hurt my feelings. Also, she's never done anything like this before. She's always told me I'm beautiful, and said things to try to make me feel good about myself. I have, however, gained a lot of weight. I've always thought that if this ever started to happen to me I'd hope that someone would jump in and say something, before it starts to get out of hand. Since I live with a compulsive dieter/exerciser, it's only natural that she think pretty much everyone is overweight. She keeps her mouth shut about me. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and scoffs at any weight-like mention I make. My other friends tell me I'm fine. I don't think I am though...so maybe it should be my moms job to point it out.

Regardless, she did make another mention later in the weekend. We'd had an early dinner on Saturday, so by around 10 I was hungry. I'm hungry all the time, but that's beside the point. In this instance I feel it was justfied. She saw me eating and pointed out that I should try not to eat so much. This second criticism might have been boarderline unnecessary, but if nothing else I've decided it was a positive thing for this to happen. Although I've been going to the gym more frequently (2 in the last month! that's huge compared to what my track records been like since October) I really need to step it up. I've never enjoyed running, but I view it now as a necessary evil that I have to just suck up and do. I spent a lot of money a few weeks ago on some work-out clothes, so I need to regurally put them to use. My goal is to lose 30 pounds. I have no idea how realistic that is, or what my timeframe needs to be...but I can't imagine feeling good about myself until that happens. I'm a realistic and intelligent person as well. I know that weight isn't everything, and I also know I'll never be a size 0 (I love my curves!), however, I'm just over 5", so it's ridiculous to be weighing almost 155!!! I'm sharing this out of shame...because I can't believe it's come to this. I want to change it though.

So here is my plan: Even though I'm often tired after work, I need to make a concerted effort to go to the gym. At least 4 times a week. And I'm going to insist that one of the days be on the weekend! Also, next week I'm going to start the South Beach again. I had great results the one time I actually did it, and stuck to it. Last night I had sort of a "good-bye" dinner, full of unhealthy taco bell...because I intended to start it today. I've realized, though, that this isn't realistic. This week can be about getting into my workout routine, and coming to terms with the looming "diet". I have too many foods in the house that aren't on phase 1, and economically I can't allow myself to waste them.

On top of this, I have something else to add...which I'm sure will shock you. There's a 5K at the end of March that I think I'm going to run in. I think. Right now I can only run about a mile and still feel like I'm going to pass out...so I know I need to build up to it. It's only like 3 and 1/2 miles or something, but for someone who has ever only been labeled as a sprinter, at best, this is going to be a challenge. I need something like this in my life I think though. Will is doing it, Ashley said she might, and I think it would be good for me.

So there you have it. My new life plan. Thanks to my mom for being insensitive, but managing to get my ass into gear. I think it will be helpful if I document my workouts here, so that I have some point of reference to start with. To begin: Thursday I spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. 5 minutes walking, 10 minutes running (at a more brisk pace than I probably should have started with), and then another 5 speed walking. I didn't do anything else at the gym, because it was crowded and that makes me uncomfortable.

Honestly I want to believe I wouldn't be in this situation if the following things were different: A) I hadn't been so determined to win something from stupid McDonalds Monoply this past fall. B) I didn't have such a reckless love affair with Italian food. And B) I had the money to purchase an easy to move eliptical, to place in front of my tv.

More updates to come.....